Garden of Gothly Delights

Welcome to Bob's dark and morbid world of fun. Watch your step, and please do not feed or annoy the denizens 1.

The menu for tonight is:


Databases galore! More info than you ever wanted to know about net.goths, net.goth events and online goth resources.

The Gallery

There's a pretty sizable community of, and it's growing. I've taken upon myself the task of creating the definitive Gallery of This is a database of all the I could find -- well over 200 of them. It's got thumbnails of everyone, plus bigger pictures and links to anything on the web by or about them. If you're on a slow connection or just don't want to bother with some huge number of inline images, there's a mostly text version..

Anime Gallery

Some time ago, I decided to do an anime version of the gallery as a cute alternative. The idea is simple, draw the in the style of those way-cute Japanese comics. I gave up after 15 pictures, but it's still rather cute, so I kept it. Enjoy.

Goth Database

Closed for repairs until further notice!

Where to go and what to do. The big database of goth, including clubs, event lists, net.goths, regional galleries, shops and markets, and place / city guides, all sorted by location. This provides and simple gallery-like interface, and should work even with older browsers. It's not terribly amazingly complete, but I do try to keep it up to date. For slower connections there's a low graphics version as well.

The Gothmap

Closed for repairs until further notice!

The experimental interactive map is yet another interface to the gallery and database. This is a way to browse the gallery and the database graphically with pull-down menus and all that sort of fun stuff.

UPG Edition

For some time alt.gothic has been doing a "describe yourself to the Netscrape" (which is archived elsewhere) in which the residents answer a whole bunch of random "what do you look like?" and "what's you favourite whatever?" questions. Well, it was finally introduced to upg after a large influx of new people. So for no real reason beyond it seemed to fit with the rest of the site, I decided to archive the UPG Edition of Describe Yourself to the Netscrape.

Stuart Lin's

Stuart Lin compiled one of the first ever net.goth databases. Some years back he no longer had time for it and let anyone take over/mirror it. So I made a copy and put it up on my site, cos I'm sentimental like that. I don't know if anyone else made a copy, but Stuart Lin's Gothbase is alive and well here, and I plan to continue supporting it for the foreseeable future. To prevent web crawlers from getting personal data, like email and such, I've added some pretty bad privacy protection.... so if all the email addresses look funny, you'll know why. Let me know if you want any data from your entry removed.


For those who care about all the fun the Goths in London have -- check out the net.goth gatherings on Halloween, in Whitby '94, '95, and '96, various London picnics, and Nic & Shawnee's wedding. More added all the time.


Pick-Up Lines

Ever have some dumb frat boy try to pick you up, only to find out that you're male / queer / just-can't-stand-him-anyway? Ever had some idiot think that they're the first one to tell you you look like Edward Scissorhands/Winona Ryder thinking it would actually help them get you into bed? Well, you're not alone. Many other have been in the same situation. Curious at what lines were used? Or do you just want to know what lines goths use on each other. Well, the master list of Gothic pick-up lines will tell you just that, with occasional commentary.

Break-Up Lines

Has the nightcrawler in your life turned psycho? Or have your eyes turned towards darker pastures? Can't think of that pithy phrase which will get them out of your life forever? If any of these describes you, check out the list of Gothic break-up lines Many of which were used in actual break-ups.

Problems Only Goths Have

As you probably know, gothdom is not just a bowl of cherries. There's a whole realm of problems which only goths have. Can you handle the intense pressure and responsibility of being a goth? Read the list of Problems only goths have and find out.


Due to some randomish comments on ukpg, I somehow got inspired to write a few gothic versions of some popular stories.


Firstly there is Alice's Adventures in Floodland. It should be pretty obvious what it's about. No, it's not the whole book, but a few chosen excerpts.

Goth Wars

Secondly is a gothic version of the Star Wars trilogy. The whole point is to redo the whole thing involving net.goths in kinda-not-unlike real life situations. A New Hope is a ten part satire of the original Star Wars, in which the Goth Revival steals some files which could possibly destroy the oppression by popular music. There are random also excepts from Empire and Return of the Goth Scene.


Finally, we have a wee little piss-take of the gom jabbar scene from the movie Dune.

Clothes, etc

I know I often have trouble finding good black clothes. I know other people do as well. And it's such a pain when already black clothes turn dark grey.

Well, there is hope, for those who don't know all there is to know about dying. Here it is: Ladybee's Dye It Black FAQ . In addition there's also the supplement which explains further on dying difficult clothes and detergents to use.

For those of you who are far too cheap to buy earrings, and are far too lazy to pierce yourself, you can read Bob's guide to cheap fake earrings.

What Is a Goth?

How or why did you find this place if you don't know already? Well, never let it be said I turned out a needing stranger into the cold 2. For all those confused, here is my quick synopsis:

  1. Humans happened.
  2. They pissed each other off.
  3. Some pissed off ones dressed in neat clothes and made lotsa art.
  4. Hairspray was invented.
  5. There you go.

Still don't understand? Have recent "comeback" articles in the popular press confused you? Unsure if you can handle being around a goth? Well, take this simple test to see if you are compatible.

Did you fail the goth friendly test? Or do you just want to know how to deal with a goth on a regular basis? Read the Normal's Guide to Gothdom for helpful tips.


1 And if you really must feed the denizens, Bob prefers a Bloody Mary with far too much Worstershire and tobasco.

2 I don't mind if someone says I turned an ungracious twat into the cold, so if you're offended go away.

Bob's Gothic home page.