The Normal's Guide to Gothdom
or
Care and Feeding of Your Pet Goth

This is a helpful guide that someone wrote. If you want to improve your score on the Goth-Friendly test, or you just want to know what to do when hanging out with a goth, these helpful tips may prevent any awkward or embarrassing situations.

• Get used to comments about "Sisters" and "The Mission" etc., and agree with them. Never liken them to Roxette or Altern8.
• Don't be intimidated by their weird posters, pentagrams and candles in their rooms, they don't mean anything, really.
• Learn to not mind waiting hours while they get all their cats' hairs off their black clothes with a bit of selotape.
• If it really pleases them, let them read your future with tarot cards, and be prepared to huff into glasses and sit patiently next to a ouija board with your finger on a free Esso glass.
• Let them drag you to the local weird shop for them to stock up on their incense and to choose a new ring or some beads. If they ask your opinion - tell them the big ring looks best.
• Try not to be embarrassed when they ask shop assistants why they don't stock black candles, while in Robert Dyas, Paperchase or those small sickly home decorating 'soft apple - pastel peach' shops.
• If female, don't irritate them by buying them an orange juice, a pint of Snakebite and black is much more appropriate.
• Remember that Oxfam and charity shops are very fashionable places and should be the first place to go when buying xmas / birthday presents. But if you do buy something new, don't forget to drop it into battery acid and tie-dye it before you give it to them, otherwise it's, like, unwearable.
• Stay away from cemetery's to avoid the embarrassment when they think they've spotted one of their friends, over there standing near that big gravestone.
• Don't be surprised when out walking with them, people get out of the way/cross the road etc. It's really quite funny to watch.
• If you go to a goth club with them to see what it's like, don't dress gothic unless you really know what you're doing. You'll just embarrass everyone and yourself.