Goth-Friendly Test

This occured to me while returning home late last night. It may have had something to do with that carload of idiots which passed me.

This is basically a test to determine how well you get along with goths. Note: this is not intended for goths. A sample population of goths would not be statistically valid, as it is beyond the scope of the questionnaire, and would very likely lead to innacurate or misleading results1. If you are a goth, you should be taking the Normal-Friendly Test.

Consider this either tounge-in-cheek or bitter-and-angry, depending on your point of view.

The rules are: Choose the one which best applies to you

  1. You are driving and see a pack of goths crossing the road. You have the right of way. Do you:
    1. Slow down and wave them on?
    2. Slow down and honk your horn or shout at them?
    3. Speed up?
    4. Reach for your shotgun?
  2. You see a male wearing makeup. Do you:
    1. Stare incredulously?
    2. Stare dotingly?
    3. Ask, "Are you wearing makeup?"
    4. Mutter "fag" just loud enuf for him to hear?
    5. Reach for your shotgun?
  3. You see a female dressed in fishnets, a miniskirt, combat boots and a leather jacket standing alone on the corner of a busy intersection. The first thing that come thru your mind is:
    1. "If I give her money she will have sex with me."
    2. "If I tell her how cool I am she will have sex with me."
    3. "Poor thing, She sure must be cold in that."
    4. "Shit! I'm late. She's going to be pissed off."
  4. Fill in the blank. "Poppy Z Brite is _________"
    1. A writer.
    2. A kind of lipstick?
    3. God.
    4. A heathen trollop.
    5. Me.
  5. You are on a train and a group of a dozen goths sits nearby. Do you:
    1. Approach and strike up casual conversation?
    2. Nonchalantly move to the other end of the car?
    3. Make some comment about Halloween being in October?
    4. Run?
  6. Fill in the blank. "Bauhaus is _________"
    1. A band.
    2. A group of devil worshiping necrophiles.
    3. An early 20th century artistic movement.
    4. The place where the dog lives.
  7. You live in the suburbs and a family wearing all black moves in next door. Do you:
    1. Assume they are Amish?
    2. Invite them over for tea and cookies?
    3. Drag in the kids, lock the doors and windows and call the police?
    4. Reach for your shotgun?
  8. You stopped watching Twin Peaks ...
    1. After they discovered who killed Laura Palmer.
    2. When the series ended.
    3. After the first dream sequence.
    4. When it started conflicting with Klan meetings.
  9. When someone refers to "The Kids" you think of:
    1. The Kids in the Hall
    2. New Kids on the Block
    3. Children on Stun
    4. Those damn brats from next door who walked across your lawn again today.
  10. It's April and you see someone wearing all black and wearing plastic vampire teeth. You think:
    1. "Is this a publicity stunt? Where's the camera?"
    2. "Giggle."
    3. "Where's my shotgun?"
    4. "Foolish mortal."
  11. The goth girl down the street always makes you think of...
    1. Death TM.
    2. Winona Ryder.
    3. Calling the police.
    4. Gang rape.
  12. Your favourite artistic movement is
    1. The Pre-Raphaelites.
    2. Norman Rockwell.
    3. Painting on velvet.
    4. The Greatful Dead.
    5. The Spanish Inquisition.
  13. You see a little girl pulling the heads off Barbie dolls and trying to replace them with heads from Tales of the Cryptkeeper Toys. Do you:
    1. Explain to her lady-like and unlady-like behaviour.
    2. Report her parents to the police?
    3. Smile and give her a thumbs up?
    4. Pray for her soul?
  14. The only time you wear black is when ...
    1. You go to a funeral.
    2. It's winter and it's in style.
    3. You want to appear thinner.
    4. You're breathing.

1 Technobabble included to give the impression that this could acually be a real test.

Created by Bob