Problems only Goths Have
This is compiled from a thread on alt.gothic
started by Gabriella Vervaine.
- Trying to get blacks that match after they fade in the wash
(damn blue/black and brown/black)
- Trying to convince the drunk frat boy who is hitting on you that
really are a guy.
- Big hair, small cars.
(Which goes right along with big hats and big skirts).
- Airport metal detectors..."Hang on, just let me unbuckle my boots.."
- The "Shoes, then corset" dilemma.
- Having your little sister nick your make-up.
- Living with a slightly homophobic father.
- Going to a school which nicknames you "that gay devilworshipping
freak that dyed his hair purple"
- Getting your jewlery tangled in your clothes/hair
(or, even worse, getting them tangled in the clothes/hair
of someone else)
- People ask "what's so funny and what perscription are you on?"
- When your pointytoe shoes/boots get caught in the holes in the
hem of your skirt.
- Wearing a black turtleneck when it's 90 degrees outside
- Accidently removing someone's nose with your spikey
bracelet while dancing to Nemisis.
- Getting people to look you in the eyes when you talk to them.
- Getting your slave bracelet caught in your fishnets.
- Unconsciously staring, and having people try to look
you in the eye to get your attention -- which doesn't always work.
- People declaring that your eyes are yellow, when,
in fact, they are green.
- Having to reach for the salt with one hand while holding back
your sleeve with the other so it doesn't drag in the gravy.
- Trying to find your posessions in an all black room.
- Finding your coat in the pile on the bed after a party.
- Trying to get the hair-dye stains out of your
towels / sink / floors / doors / ceilings / carpets / pets / furniture.
- Being asked to defend your entire existence in 30 seconds or less.
- Finding a detergent to get those blacks blacker.
- Thoroughly embarrassing yourself by finding that fog makes you so
bouncy you have to sing along to your walkman, before you realise that
fog also means that you can't see the people nearby.
- Having little kids tug on their parent's arm and say,
"Look, Mommy, isn't she pretty? I want to look like her!" while
the parents grab the child and leg it.
- Trying to wash dishes with those flowy sleeves.
- Having someone try to pick you up, just so they can tell their
friends they've had sex with you.
- Going out in the winter and having all the metal stuff you are
wearing freeze against your exposed skin.
- Returing home the next day after clubbing, on a train full
- Getting your skirt caught on:
- ...the buckles of your boots when you are walking up stairs
- ...part of the seat-adjustment-thingamie in the car
- ...your heels while walking.
- ...the outside of the door of your car while you're driving,
and you don't notice til you get where you were going, only to find
when you get there that a portion of your outfit is now caked with
- Lending your eyeliner to a friend and finding out later that
he's returned it without mentioning that he completely emptied the
enitre brand new tube.
- Trying to buy mundane clothes to go job hunting in and not
being able to bring yourself to buy anything with enough colour.
- The salt stains on the hems of skirts in winter.
- Not being able to climb really small stairs because the
pointy toes on your pixie boots stick out past your toes enough that
you can't get your actual toes on the steps.
- Trying to stand up, and getting the hooks on your left boot caught
in the fishnets on your right leg. And managing to look graceful while
- Dancing in a corset.
- Attempting to explain goth to someone who has no familiarity with
any reference you manage to come up with.
- Driving in a rather large cloak.
- Getting other peoples black eyeliner smudges on your face from
greeting hugs at the club.
- Having to wash black lipstick off of your neck.
- Wearing 24 rings and getting them all stuck in various bits of
lace and fishnet (not all of it yours).
- Having to rush out of bed the moment you wake up just so you
can get to the bank / store / whatever before it closes.
- Convincing someone that you are straight even though you are
wearing a skirt and makeup.
- Convincing your sister to let you use her makeup because you are
too broke/cheap to buy your own.
- Trying to find women's clothes that fit you without it looking
too obvious that that is what you are trying to do.
- Wearing that ultra-cool pewter cross you just bought to the
club spinning around and knocking yourelf silly...then trying to cover
your dizziness and nonchalantly checking your forehead for blood while
- Finding that your freshly washed black t-shirt is covered in bits of lint,
which while undetectable by the naked eye, show up very well under UV,
thereby making you appear to have terminal dandruff.
- Waking up at with the most painful hangover ever.
Walking to the little store to get asprin, thinking "Damn even
my feet hurt like hell". Then relaizing that your wearing
someone else's Doc's.
- After using your black eyeliner pencil as a lipliner and
getting lipstick on it, coming back and fixing your eyeliner w/ the
same pencil, thus creating a big black oily smudge where a
nice angled black line should be.
- Trying to find food you can eat without messing up your lipstick.
French fries are good for that.
- Having to tell your clothes apart by fabric only,
basically: "Bring me that black shirt." "Uh, which black shirt?"
- Trying to get seated so that the eye that you did
just right will be the one facing outward.
- Wanting to go and play out in the rain but fearing it'll ruin your
- Being unable to decide which rings look best over the black
- Fearing your sharply filed nails will ruin your mesh shirt!
- Realizing your next cat better have black fur,
as it's getting trying ripping off the fur from all of your clothes
with scotch tape.
- Finding that your cape gets in the way of your cleaning tools when
going to work at the graveyard.
- Getting a sunburn right through your t-shirt due to the fact that
you are very pale from not seeing much daylight (prefer to stay up
at night and sleep during day).
- Trying to ride a bicycle with a long black skirt
(or, even worse, a chiffon skirt-preferably one of
- Trying to ride a bicycle without reminding the people you pass of
Miss Almira Gulch, forcing them to hum the wicked witch theme from
The Wizard of Oz.
- Trying to type with your lace gloves on.
- Religion: while everybody still thinks you are a Devil-worshipper
despite all your explanations.. especially if you tell them you are Pagan..
- Other Pagans/Wiccans don't take you seriously because of what you look
like. (in the end, nobody really understands
- In school..how can one draw and draw and draw in one's sketchbook at
boring lectures without attracting the teacher's attention with one's
jingling bracelets...(It's a very scary situation when you notice
suddenly that it's the only sound in the whole classroom and the teach
stares at you with a look that will guarantee you not to pass
- To like some Goth metal bands and not to be confused with the
"ordinary" (especially Blackmetal) metal fans, who tend to be about
100 times dumber than the average Goths.
- To keep your white makeup on at gigs, hot summer festivals etc.
- Not noticing that you might have fresh black/dark stains on your
clothes untill they mess up everything non-black around you.
- For girls: menstual blood doesn't show that well on black panties,
so you might not notice your period's began before it's too late!
- Accidently kicking things and having parts fly off because
you're wearing steel toes boots.
- Brushing against walls and having chips fly off because of
your spiked bracelet.
- Needing to be specially dodged in group photos with normals
so you can all be seen clearly.
- Waking up late for that Sunday gig, and having to finish
dressing up at the subway, trying to put on your 20 hole Doc's
while runing up the stairs and getting your fishnet/skirt caught on
the seat or door.
- Having to avoid potential self-mutiliation after just finishing
filing one's nails to a point.
- Freezing your toes in your steelcap shoes in the winter.
- When it's cold, your nose will be red no matter how much make-up you
- Trying to explain to people that the scars up and down your arms are
auctually from your cat.
- The extensive hair loss caused from bleaching and re-bleaching hair.
- Trying to find a soap that will remove the purple hair dye
stains from your hands and face.
- Flicking trough a magazine or a newspaper with velvet gloves on.
- (For net.goths only)
Trying to tell someone that you admire their footware without making it
sound like a come-on.
- Needing to adjust your bike
seat everyday based on the size of your platforms.
- Bradley W Zimmerman
- Jillian Sutter
- Siani M. Evans
- Heidi Evans
- Allison Serpe
- Andrew Ragland
- Michael Quinn
- Hardrock Llewynyth
- Andrew Stoker
- Midnight Hawk
- Sean McKeever
- Countess Draco Samhain
- Suffering Angel
Compiled and HTML