The Adventures of Scorch So Far

I was born in July 1997 in a squat in Hackney. My Mum was a tortoiseshell, like me, called Tina and my dad was a stripy ginger who couldn't stay away from the ladies. About three weeks after I was born a human with brightly coloured hair came to visit, she thought myself and my siblings were cute but was adamant that she didn't like nor want a cat. This said it did not stop her from feeling sorry for us and our fleas and she was often seen with big bags of food for us and our mum..she even bought us toys, I knew then that this gullible girl was to be mine!! The girl was soon persuaded to take one of us...and she didn't choose me..she chose another because she thought it looked like Colombo.. I soon set about proving my worth, beating up the other cats and looking cute..when she came to pick old glass eye up one the other humans said that she should choose me. Being a soft hearted fool she almost took both of us ..but she knew her landlord would say no...so she took me!! After much bathing (living in a squat leaves a girl cat a bit dirty) I decided I liked her and shared my fleas with her and her bedroom). I have since looked after her when she couldn't walk, left claw marks all over her leather trousers and generally had fun...and she's still as gullible as ever, her food is my food.

Scorchy`s Fave Foods (purrrr)

ppuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr were do I start..well with Tasha's plate normally... however for the conisuer cat I would recommend the following, if you find that these items are not readily available in your home see my section on mind control.. Appetiser: I find that nothing goes better with a meal then a nice soup, or perhaps a dish of turkey slices (wafer thin of course) The soup should be liberally sprinkled with cheese and allowed to cool. Note that the soup is better served up while your owner is cooking it otherwise you may end up with mere leftovers.. Main Course: I must admit for this part of the meal I'm spoilt for choice, depending on availability I do rather like a nice chow mein or perhaps a korma. If these delectable items are not served a dish of super noodles will do, this dish is best served by one's owner..then you get to play with your food. Dessert: What can I say but ice cream!! This nightly array of food should be followed by small helping of Roulet. For the not so fortunate a nice bowl a Lams or Science Plan, mixed with sardines and Fish Treats will probably do. If this is all your use to then your just not being cute enough.

Scorchy`s Guide to Getting Food (meowww)

This guide is so simple that any cat, old or young can do it. Basically find the person in the room who is the soft hearted one, this human will most likely be female. Sit yourself by this person and look cute, if this does not work let out high miaows to let them know how starving you really are..(this may not work for the more plumper cat). The human will take pity almost instantly and will surrender most, if not all, their dinner to you. If in doubt just place your paw upon the plate while the human is not looking and dig out what you want. Simple!

Scorchy`s Cosy home (mirryap)

I delight in the cosiness of my present abode, with the help of mind control I have everything I need, although to be honest there is nothing so nice as to rest upon human clothing. I prefer dark clothing and the humans always show their delight when I leave precious particles of fur behind. I have found that the humans that live next door and downstairs have also got very comfortable houses, which I often visit.

How to flirt with Vets and Men in general

If you're a clever cat you will know that a trip to the vet's can be an experience of pure delight. On my way to the vets I am admired by all humans. Arrival at the vets means adoration from countless older humans and of course much love from the handsome vet. To flirt with men in general is simple..a soft look in the eyes and rub against the leg and they're besotted...as for male cats...*pah* I say treat em mean...it's my neighbourhood and I fight for it...

Scorchy`s Guide to Mind Control (Grrrhhhh)

Scorchy`s Temple of Cuteness (mewww)