Describe Yourself to the Netscrape
The UPG Edition

The physical

Your name: Johnny

Your online/nickname: Shock Tube

Web page URL: http://www.users.zetnet.co.uk/rednoise/shoktube/shoktube.htm I knocked it up ages ago but never uploaded it. I'll do it tonight, honest.

Age: 33

Birthday: 05 / 04

Gender: Male

Location: Currently Crystal Palace / Beckenham, London

Height/weight: 1m 70 108kg (I'm training)

Current haircolour/style: Just way down my back. And on my face. And on my
 <sniiiiip>

Natural hair colour: V Dark Brown

Eye colour: Grey.

Religion: Now, please....

Siblings: One posing yuppy sister

Children: No thanks, I'm full.

Relationship status: VERY happily single.

Occupation: Freelance record producer for quite a few years now (mostly on rock/metal and industrial acts, but I have had to suffer from a few indie bands too), but now using up the rest of my waking hours programming varcity.net (I am IT director) Phew. I wish I could find someone to pay to do it, but no-one seems to bother learning Computer Science. It's all Media Studies. In the mean time Muggins just speeds the night away....

Pets: I miss my rats :'-(

Computer you're on: THIS is a crappy p233 laptop with super crappy win-d'oh s 98, but I'm sitting next to my lovely new PII 450, 2x13.7Gb IDE, 2x8.7Gb SCSI, Ext Zip, Ext CDRW, 50x CD int, 256Mb Ram, 17"Monitor, 128 voice Soundcard, and installing with SuSE LINUX as I write! Goodbye crappy windoze, hello speed and stability! And the best part is... I didn't have to pay a cent for any of it! Yipee!!

Favorites

Books: Fade Out- Patrick Tilley, Helliconia - BW Aldiss, Above Top Secret - Tim Good

Movies: My ex used to try to get me to watch those Merchant Ivory Fop-Fests but I used to say "If it has no space battles, no exploding zombies and no girls in PVC in it do you really think I want to see it?" So it's 'The Thing', 'Apocalypse Now' and 'Bettie Page in Teaserama' and all combinations thereof.

Poems: As my pal says, "99% of everything is shit, except for poetry, where 99.9999999% is shit".

Television shows: I watch The Simpsons on VT before I go to sleep most nights, the Sky at Night when I remember, but apart from that they don't really broadcast anything worth watching. I wish they did.

Songs: Final Impact-front line assembly, Replicas (track)-Tubeway Army, Shadowplay/Heart and Soul - Joy Division, Computerworld 2-Kraftwerk, Sweetest Chill - Banshees

Bands/musicians: Mmmm. Off the top of my head, Kraftwerk, Front 242, FLA, Sisters, Surfin' Dead, Nitzer Ebb, 16 Volt, Joy Division, Satie, Faure, Bach, Debussy,

Board games: Monopoly (I memorised the statistical likelyhoods of landing on each square...what a poof!)

Computer games: Quake, Doom (my forte) Caesar3

Other games: Grass

Magazines: Studio Sound, New Scientist, Video Age, American Scientist, Private Eye, Audio Media, Scientific American, Nature.

Places to visit: Belgium (Mmmm! Beeeer!)

Food: All animal products, bread, spud. Er...that's it.

Colours: Chromium.

Drinks: Beer, solid coffee, Boubon whiskey.

Miscellaneous questions

What other newsgroups do you read: alt.binaries.unbelievably-squalid-pornography

To which mailing lists are you susbscribed: rants@242.com

How long have you been reading UPG: Since I decided to find out what was past alt.binaries.unbelievably-squalid-pornography.

What has been your favorite thread on UPG: "To all the 'is it goth' people" Superbly self referential.

What are some of your hobbies: Cooking, electronics, reading, beer!, conversation.

What's the motto you adhere to: "Avoid cliches like the plague!"

What's is your personal stupid human trick: If I understand the question, when people meander along the pavement in front of me then stop suddenly only to gawp at something that's really uninteresting anyway.

What do you want to be doing 10 years from now: Working even harder than I do now. (How?)

What is the one thing/skill that you do not have now that you wished you possessed: Level flight.

What do you think is your best asset: My modesty ;-)

What do you think is the worst thing about you: The emotional ataraxia caused by the unpleasant endings of every relationship I've ever had.

What do you value most in a friend: Genuineness. And Guinness.

How do you picture UPG: As some text within Netscape Messenger. (Sorry, I am Mr. Pedantic. No I am not actually, I'm Johnny. Sorry, I am Mr. Pedantic.10 goto 10)

Do you have another question: Yes.