Describe Yourself to the Netscrape
The UPG Edition

The physical

Your name: Jon

Your online/nickname: Jod/Big Jon/BeeJ

Web page URL: http://www.valkyrie13.demon.co.uk: currently down for a major overhaul

Age: 26

Birthday: 26.05.73

Gender: Male

Location: Bedminster, Bristol

Height/weight: 6'3" 14 stone.

Current haircolour/style: Curly, blond, past shoulders
 

Natural hair colour: Blond

Eye colour: Green

Religion: Eco/pagan

Siblings: 1 brother

Children: None

Relationship status: Occupied

Occupation: 'Resting' former pub manager and socialite

Pets: 3 cats (F Fredrick Skitty, Caffrey, Hecate); 14 foot of Burmese python (Galahad); 1 black rat (Mr Ratty)

Computer you're on: BSOD ridden P2/300 with rather too much hookey software

Favorites

Books: Anything about Conspiracies/ UFOs/Killer Comets/ Anglo Saxon History/ Good Beer Guide/ Discworld/ British Political History/ Umberto Eco/ Marquis de Sade.

Movies: Jean de Florette/ Manon des Sources/ Delicatessen/ Seven/ Hammer Horror/ City of Lost Children/ Westerns/ Spinal Tap/ James Bond/ Withnail/ Where Eagles Dare.

Television shows: Have I Got News For You/ The Angry Beavers/ I am Weasel/ Richard and Judy/ Inspector Morse/ Ivor the Engine/ Oggy and the Cockroaches/ News24 (insomnia).

Songs: Whole Lotta Love (Led Zep); War Pigs (Black Sabbath); My Boy (Elvis); Adrenochrome (Sisters); The Weeping Song (Nick Cave); Lurhstaap (NMA); She's In Parties (Bauhaus).

Bands/musicians: Aerosmith, Bauhaus, Nephilim, Front242, Meat Loaf, Zodiac Mindwarp, Metallica, Depeche Mode, Siouxsie, Therapy?, Beastie Boys.

Board games: bored games...

Computer games: Anything that vents frustration on venal mutant scum.

Other games: Nah.

Magazines: Job pages, Private Eye, Kerrang, Metal Hammer, Skin Two.

Places to visit: Red Square, Nepal, Avignon, Berlin.

Food: Anything except broad beans, cauliflower, or sweet potato - euckkk!

Colours: Black, Black, Faded Black/Grey.

Drinks: Decent wines, JD, Blavod, Drambuie, real ale, Powers Irish Whiskey.

Miscellaneous questions

What other newsgroups do you read: alt.binaries.sounds.utilities/ alt.binaries.warez.ibm-pc/ alt.pagan/ alt.folklore/ uk.music.folk

To which mailing lists are you susbscribed: "For just $5 you can make a return of $50,000 in just 4 weeks. I didn't believe it either." [Is this what you mean?]

How long have you been reading UPG: 2 years, on and off

What has been your favorite thread on UPG: Anything that slates Rosetta Stone.

What are some of your hobbies: Rugby, Cricket, Beer, Sex. [not necessarily in that order]

What's the motto you adhere to: One day, the shit will rain on someone else. [still waiting, mind you]

What's is your personal stupid human trick: Aged 26, I still find myself sucking my thumb from time to time. Embarrasingly, it's often in public.

What will you be doing 10 years from now: Still waiting for the next Sisters album.

What is the one thing/skill that you do not have now that you wished you possessed: A computer degree/license to print money. [same thing]

What do you think is your best asset: My air of sleazy but sophisticated charm.

What do you think is the worst thing about you: My air of sleazy but sophisticated charm.

What do you value most in a friend: Splits the bill equally without resorting to calculators and shit like "but I only had 2 glasses of wine and no starter...."

How do you picture UPG: Fat girls sitting on skinny boys shoulders throwing torn up newspaper around and singing along to songs about Beltane fires, and gardens of Avalon, and pretending to be called something like Heiroglyphica. All a bit embarrasing really, but you just know that at the back of somebody's cupboard there's photos of you when you were 'GOING THROUGH THAT PHASE......'